UnNews:BOOYAH! Obama Makes Strong Showing in Texas Debate
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BOOYAH! Obama Makes Strong Showing in Texas Debate
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Friday, September 4, 2015, 17:43:UTC)(
23 February 2008
AUSTIN, TEXAS – Illinois Senator Barack Obama was all smiles at the end of Thursday’s debate with New York State Senator Hillary Clinton, and he used the opportunity to take some shots at those who doubted him. “Aww yeah, y’all ain’t know it was gon’ be like this, son” the senator chided reporters. “E’erybody was all like ‘I’m sayin’ tho, Hillary got tha experience and whatnot’, but who came back and was like BOOYAH?!”
BOOYAH! Indeed. Obama increased his momentum and expects to widen the gap in the coming Texas primary. Polls show the race in a statistical dead heat, but the Obama campaign believes Thursday’s showing will erase that. Tommy Vietor, a spokesperson for the Obama camp pledged “Yeah, yeah son, nah mean? Forget them polls. We ‘bout to be all up in the White House”. Another source added, “Word son. It’s time for some hard blackness to get all up in that soft whiteness”. The source did not clarify what he meant by that statement.
Perhaps it is a reference to the hard lives African-Americans have had to endure, compared to the relatively sheltered lives of middle and upper-class whites. Statistics show that African-Americans are steadily falling behind whites of the same educational and financial backgrounds, even as better opportunities become increasingly available.
Obama swelled with pride, and Clinton was uncharacteristically magnanimous. “He is quite an intelligent and informed rival”, Clinton praised. “I think I’d make a better president, but either of us could be successful.”
“Damn right, shit”, replied Obama. “I ain’t go to Yale for nuthin’.” When reminded that he graduated Harvard, Obama replied "Whatever. They's both Ivy League beeyotch!" Both Clinton and Obama were scheduled to fly out at the end of the week to prepare for next Tuesday’s debate in Cleveland, Ohio. Obama was enthusiastic. “Yeah, we gon’ rock that house too!”
Clinton’s comments seemed to indicate a sense of things slipping away. “You know what”, Clinton offered, “if you don’t vote for me, at least vote Democratic.” Obama embraced the idea.
“Ohio is my state son. I was Senator just two states away. They got my back.”
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|