|This article is part of UnNews||A newsstand that's brimming with issues|
10 August 2012
CITY OF BRO LUV, PA – Times are hard,
greedy coin collector Chris Napolitano has learned. He had hoped to unload a rare 1873 dime for more than a million dollars, but he had absolutely no takers. Napolitano had sought to sell the coin during an auction sponsored by the National Numismatic Association, but all attendees would offer is the face value of the coin.
“A dime is worth ten cents,” he said.
Part of the problem, the collector believes, for the devaluation of the coin, is “Obamanomics,” but he also blames the situation on the “ignorance of American people.” He said he doubts whether Americans know what “numismatic” means. “If they don't know it means coin collection, they aren't likely to come to a numismatic auction, even if they are interested in coin collections.”
It is difficult to refute such logic, Napolitano's mother, Ingrid, observes, but, she adds, “I just want the damn thing—along with all his other worthless 'collection' out of my house! His coins take up the basement, the den, the library, the conservatory, three bedrooms, and the guest house, and they're worth about as much as a GM Volt. Nobody wants the damn things.”
Napolitano insists that the coin is “rare.” It was minted in Carson City, NV, and survived the casinos when slot machines were still coin-operated, he said. “I mean, what are the chances?”
He also blames the lack of numismatic interest in his dime on the image of the Liberty Seated figure that decorates its face. “She's too modest,” Napolitano complained. “Her boobs show, through her robe, which is kind of clingy, but she's not topless, and she looks a bit like George Washington.” In coin collecting, he said, “sex sells, and nudity, even without sex, is also a definite plus.”
"George Washington, though," he added "--not so much."
He is disappointed that his dime is worth only ten cents, but he has a use for it. His five-year-old daughter Emily is about to lose a tooth, and the rare coin, he believes, is perfect as a gift from the tooth fairy. “It looks like it's worth a million or more,” he told Unnews reporter Lotta Lies, “but it will cost me only a dime.”