UnNews:Autobots disrupt street crossing
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Autobots disrupt street crossing
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Thursday, September 3, 2015, 21:36:UTC)(
3 December 2010
DENVER, Colorado -- Traffic near Coors Field was disrupted when Autobots (from the Transformers toy line) suddenly morphed out of their vehicle disguises and blocked all the traffic behind them, in order to address a "significant security concern."
The reason behind all the panic seems to be a toy robot, which was cemented to a footbridge at the traffic intersection. According to eyewitnesses, it was just another rush hour until some vehicles began beeping incessantly, and then suddenly transformed into Autobots.
The Autobots then told the people that they were investigating the presence of a "suspicious object" at the footbridge. "We feared it may have been a Deceptagon minion, waiting to strike," says a fellow Autobot. Nobody was allowed within 100 yards of the robot.
After pulling out their awesome weaponry and pointing it at the robot, they realized it wasn't moving. A "specialist team" was summoned from Cybertron, and a motely of uber-cool robots analyzed the "mysterious threat."
Though the toy robot never moved a muscle throughout the analysis, the Autobots eventually blew it up with some sort of RPG, "just in case."
This security operation caused a traffic snarl of over two hours, with commuters being being forced to detour around the enclosure. "This is plain ridiculous! If Deceptagons were waiting to ambush our planet, they would have disguised themselves as vehicles too!" said a commuter, who was forced to take a detour even though his house was visible right across the enclosure. Several people, who had parked their cars too close to the robot, were not allowed to access them, and instead just stood on the pavement taking pictures of the Autobots.
Denver Police spokesman Matt Murray thanked the Autobots for their valiant efforts at ensuring the security and safety of the people. "I cannot thank Optimus Prime and his colleagues enough for what they have done today. If it weren't for them, we may have been held hostage by the Deceptagons yet again." he said.