UnNews:Australian Citizenship Test
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27 August 2007
Get 12 answers right and you're an Aussie citizen!
Becoming an Australian is going to become much easier next month. Amazingly those foreigners, terrorists, snot licking carpathian shoe salesmen, and even Snoop Dog will thank this here Uncyclopedia for the answers to the tough "Immigration Questionnaire" that we feature below.
Australia is throwing the doors open to everybody that can answer at least 12 of the 20 questions correctly. Immigration Minister Kevin Andrews yesterday proclaimed that everyone from Oompah Loompahs to Tom Cruise can grasp the new "Plain English" condensed 42-page booklet of the entire constitution of Australia, from which the 20 questions for the citizenship test will be drawn.
This is a sample of the test questions. The answers to them are at the bottom of this page. See if you can answer 12 correctly.
- In what year did Federation take place?
b) In the Dreamtime
c) 2001, when Federation Square in Melbourne was finally completed after a hundred years of Planning and Construction.
- Which day of the year is Australia Day?
a) January 26
b) Every Day is Australia Day
c) I do it for my country every Friday.
- Who was the first Prime Minister of Australia?
a) Edmund Barton
b) George Bush
c) John Howard, he’s been there forever.
- What is the first line of Australia's national anthem?
a) Australians all let us rejoice
b) We are the Navy Blues
c) Hum Hum Hum ho we have a choice, but beer is not yet free.
- What is the floral emblem of Australia?
c) My Girlfriend/Boyfriend when I’m pissed as a fart
- What is the population of Australia?
a) Approx 21 million
b) Can’t count the people as the kangaroos are hopping around in plague proportions
c) 2, Just me and Duncan, who is also not an illegal immigrant. I love to have a beer with Duncan.
- In what city is the Parliament House of the Commonwealth Parliament located?
b) Its still an issue of Debate, as Sydney wants to use the Opera House and Melbourne wants to move it back to Crown Casino and the MCG, our modern day Australian places of assembly.
- Who is the Queen's representative in Australia?
a) The governor-general
b) Ray Martin
c) Dame Edna Everidge
- How are Members of Parliament chosen?
a) By election
b) By a Proportionally Integrated, Non Biased, Convergent Represented bet at the TAB
c) By a visit to a New York Strip joint and losing at mud wrestling
- Who do Members of Parliament represent?
a) The people of their electorate
b) The other members of Parliament, who delegate the work to the people working for the dole.
c) Large Conglomerates of Pubs owned by Pokies Moguls and ex-convict Hairdressers, and oil companies.
- After a federal election, who forms the new government?
a) The political party or coalition of parties which wins a majority of seats in the House of Representatives
b) The first party who can sign up the most people on AWA’s
c) A complex process whereby a few blokes from Hells Angels visit the Conargo Pub, throw a few rounds of two-up, and call the best of three rounds – the result – Heads Labour, Tails Liberal. No other parties have a chance as the coins only have a head or a tail.
- What are the colours on the Australian flag?
a) Red, white and blue
b) The flag is a topic of debatable dispute, as the lease for the current flag expires in a hundred years and we will then revert back to red, black, and yellow.
c) The colours on a can of VB
- Who is the head of the Australian Government?
a) The prime minister
b) The leader of the “United Australia” Party – something Hanson
c) As far as I’m concerned, the Publican at my pub is the head.
- What are the three levels of government in Australia?
a) Commonwealth, State or Territory and local
b) Way past Bullshit, Way into Bullshit, Just Bullshitting
c) Never seen at a Pub, Seen at Strip Joints, and seen doing fund raisers at Local Pubs.
- In what year did the European settlement of Australia start?
b) 1979, when Joe Dolce released “Shuddupa Yo Face” on vinyl, and the Vicks “Formula 44” cough medicine add recognized the “winter wogs” as european settlers.
c) There are no more Europeans in Australia according to Pauline Hanson, just Asians and Middle-Eastern people here on illegal Visas.
- Serving on a jury if required is a responsibility of Australian citizenship: true or false?
b) It all depends how long your criminal record is, how many speed camera fines you have got out of, and how well you get along with the prosecutor.
c) True and they are currently reviewing the daily payment rate as the daily allowance doesn’t cover for a slab of beer anymore.
- In Australia, everyone is free to practise the religion of their choice, or practise no religion: true of false?
b) True, so long as either way it has an element of Rugby League worship.
c) True, so long as either way it has an element of Aussie Rules Football worship.
- To be elected to the Commonwealth Parliament you must be an Australian citizen: true or false?
b) True, however, if you audition for and win Australian Idol while you are here on holiday, citizenship is automatically given, and a political career like Peter Garrett’s is encouraged.
c) True, but you must have visited (preferably) an Australian Strip Club and got pissed more than once at a local Pub and enjoyed it.
- As an Australian citizen, I have the right to register my baby born overseas as an Australian citizen: true or false?
b) True, however, they must get approval by both Pauline Hanson and Peter Costello in order to receive the baby bonus.
c) False, the baby must be of age to drink alcohol for the parents to have the right to register a baby born overseas.
- Australian citizens aged 18 years or over are required to enrol on the electoral register: true or false?
b) True, but until you are 60 you must vote for the party in power or your vote will be registered as informal.
c) False, you must first register a blood alcohol reading of over 0.05 in order to qualify for enrollment on the electoral register.
If you answered more than 12 as a), then you are definitely not Australian and will not fit in to Australia, stay in your country of origin you will be happier.
If you answered more than 12 as b), then you will likely get conditional entry into Australia on the proviso that you undergo a years worth of psychiatric testing to ensure you are not insane.
If you answered more than 12 as c), then you plainly qualify to be an Australian. Pack your bags, and welcome to our wonderful sunburnt country known to the world as "the lucky country". If are already Australian, congratulations, go to the pub and get yourself a bozo badge :)x
|This article was mentioned in The Age, August 27, 2007, further diminishing what little credibility the media had left. You can read all about it here|