UnNews:Australia 'uranium' dust concerns
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Australia 'uranium' dust concerns
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Thursday, August 25, 2016, 20:25:UTC)(
30 September 2009
The uranium is said to originate in an abandoned mine, located somewhere in the desert. The exact location of the mine is unknown, but is believed to be part of the land recently purchased by Allerbmu. Allerbmu, has stated that their purchase of wide open desert area was so they could use it to build a small wooden shack and Surround it with high fences. "The mine has nothing to do with our recently built shack, and is certainly not going to supply any underground hidden Laboratory - located under the shack - with electricity" Said a spokesman for Allerbmu.
The uranium cloud, is filled with small, medium and large uranium particles. Uranium is best known for creating the boom in atomic bombs, but can also be used to manipulate the DNA in living organisms resulting in mutants and/or zombies. It is this that frightens the people in Australia. Australia has never had any problems with mutants or zombies, except for the so called Tasmanian devil. The lack of experience when dealing with this kind of threat, means that if it happens the effect will be country wide. "The best case scenario, is that we all become sterile" said Prime minister Kevin Rudd. "The worst case scenario, is that we all mutate into zombies."
He urges all citizens to stay inside, and don`t go outside until the dust storm has passed. Those caught outside are asked to either kill themselves by decapitation or chain themselves to light poles, just in case... If there are any unusual mutations when the cloud have passed, scientists assure those who have not been affected that mutants and zombies will be slow moving. Because Uranium is such a heavy element it is bound to weigh any potential zombies down to the extent that they are easy to kill.