UnNews:Atlanta Falcons sue New Orleans
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Atlanta Falcons sue New Orleans
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Tuesday, April 25, 2017, 18:43:UTC)(
28 December 2011
New Orleans, Louisiana --
The Atlanta Falcons are suing everyone in New Orleans, the city of New Orleans, the New Orleans Saints, Orleans parish, and Old Orleans (if it can find it). The Falcons claim that New Orleans only beat them so that the New Orleans Saints quarterback Drew Brees could break a 27-year old record that was previously set by Dan Marino. According to Wide Receiver (WR) Harry Douglas "[The] Saints did not need to win. They already had a good spot in the playoffs. They knew we needed it. They are just selfish and they really hurt my feelings."
According to the Falcons lawyers, the city of New Orleans was being sued because they let the game continue when they should have been rubbing in the win by taking a knee in the last few minutes instead. Also, many Saints fans are in New Orleans and they really caused a lot of emotional damage that they really need to pay for. A source in Old Orleans told us that those "dirty birds" have not found them yet and they never will if they can help it.
New Orleans lawyers (Johnson, Johnson, Noah, and Johnson) are not concerned with the lawsuit. "The hardest part for Atlanta in this lawsuit is that New Orleans wasn't sued as soon as the game started. Without enough evidence to overturn the originial decision not to sue, this will be a problem." Also, just because referees always rule against us doesn't necessarily mean that a judge will. Remember Michael Vick? He did nothing wrong, look at what happened to him. The Saints coach Sean Payton has issued a public statement in a press conference. "It is understandable that Atlanta would be upset after we scored just short of three times there score. They would have to if anyone on their team was good enough to break a record and only needed a couple more plays to do it. My team is trained to play the entire game and they don't get lazy in the last few minutes of the game. Fans want to see 20 minutes of huddling, 15 minutes of halftime, 400 minutes of advertisements, 70 minutes of referees arguing, and 40 minutes of gameplay, not 37."
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|