UnNews:Asteroid to ruin world commodities market

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search
Asteroid to ruin world commodities market

Where man always bites dog

UnNews Logo Potato
Tuesday, April 25, 2017, 12:41:59 (UTC)

F iconNewsroomAudio (staff)Foolitzer Prize

Feed-iconIndexesRandom story

17 January 2017

Daily Star 2017-01-17

The Source document is as dirt-cheap as nickel is about to be.

CAPE CANAVERAL, Florida -- NASA is planning a mission to a lump of metal in space worth quadrillions of dollars.

Psyche, orbiting between Mars and Jupiter, is made up of iron, nickel and gold.

Experts believe the iron alone is worth $10,000 quadrillion — enough to cause the economy to promptly collapse altogether, as it would pay the entire cost of 10,000 new NASA projects. The spot price of the shiny stuff would plunge down the number line into negative numbers. NASA mission scientist Lindy Elkins-Tanton said, "It could solve the world's resource problems! Imagine if there were only supply, and no demand!"

Unfortunately, harvesting Psyche is not yet possible, and Elkins-Tanton was not sure whether iron warehoused off-planet would depress Earth markets. The NASA mission, which will launch in 2023, will merely photograph the asteroid from a distance and allow NASA Project Managers to rub their hands together. Additional years will be spent figuring out what form an Environmental Impact Statement should take, given that Psyche has neither air nor water to worry about polluting, nor snail darters.

It will take NASA until 2030 to reach the rock — perhaps longer if Donald Trump's recent talk of furloughs and layoffs takes hold — and several years more to tow the asteroid back to Earth, soft-land it, and find a way to get it down a mine shaft so its riches can be extracted.

edit Sources

Personal tools
projects