UnNews:Ashley Judd adopts Lucy Fowler's lifestyle
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Ashley Judd adopts Lucy Fowler's lifestyle
Every time you think, you weaken the nation —Moe Howard
Friday, July 1, 2016, 15:24:UTC)(
22 January 2007
|UnNews Audio (file info)|
|Listen to this story!|
MALIBU, CA - Family and friends have expressed concern for Ashley Judd after learning that she has adopted the lifestyle of Lucy Fowler, the main character in a recent movie, Come Early Morning, whom Judd played.
Lucy is a loose woman who, in seeking to build a foundation for her life, has indiscriminate sex with men she picks up at the local bar after drinking herself into near oblivion. Her attitude toward life is “get some and get gone.”
In Lucy’s case, the film hints, her behavior results from her need for love. Her mother is devoted to her first husband, Ralph, who is deceased, and she is divorced from her second husband, Lowell, who won Lucy in a guitar-playing contest he entered opposite Chet Atkins, naming her after the song, “Lucille,” his rendition of which won the contest. Lowell was drunk when he won. Sober, he is painfully--moviegoers say, unbelievably--shy, so much so that he is incapable of talking to his own daughter and would make an excellent department store mannequin if he were able to give up drinking. Instead, he attends church, making the film a religious movie.
Although Lowell drags Lucy, kicking and screaming, to church with him because the choir needs someone to play the flute (Lucy’s favorite instrument), she continues her promiscuous behavior, even after she mistakenly meets a man who could have been her “Mr. Right,” unable, she says, to understand what grapes and teeth have to do with her father’s legacy of sin. ("If the movie sounds confusing," TV critic Nancy Rice says, "that's because it is.")
Between trysts and one-night stands, Lucy works in a trailer, where she listens to country songs so outdated that the local bar refuses to play them any longer and argues, part time, with her inbred, dysfunctional relatives.
Judd found this role so “natural and lifelike,” friends say, that she is determined to live this way all the time, adopting Lucy Fowler’s lifestyle as her own.
Both Ashley’s mother and her three-quarters sister Wynonna Judd are “extremely concerned,” they say, and are looking into the legal ramifications of having the actress committed to a mental institution “for her own safety.”
Reportedly, Ashley has “stooped so low” as to have sex with Pee Wee Herman while she was still sober.
“It has to stop,” Wynonna declared. “I mean, what’s next if she doesn’t? Sex with Michael Jackson?”