UnNews:Army of Obamas promise change
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|This article is part of UnNews||Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?|
5 July 2008
Nationwide The now co-operative Democratic Party unveiled their latest bid for the hearts and minds of the American people today. Barack Obama has announced his intention to be cloned and distributed, one per household, to personally do the bidding of Americans, if elected.
"It's time for change," a generic, 1st generation Obama clone stated, "the constitutional oligarchy in America today only gives you, the public, one chance every four years to influence government policy directly. Under our new plan, every home will have an Obama who will report directly to the one true Obama via telepathic link. This will ensure that government policy is truly democratic, reflecting the will of the people instead of the will of corporations such as Exxon."
Excited, unrepresented members of the public welcomed the proposed plan. "I'm going to use my Obumma to get my gardening done " a local grandmother tittered, "and to move that boulder right beside my driveway. I haven't been able to lift 50 pounds since Elmer died heading west in the cellar in that grue accident in 1986."
"I plan to use my Obama as a test pilot for my private space program, " whined 7 year old Billy, "Because my hamster Sniffles was incinerated during a fire on the launch pad last week." Billy's mother was more skeptical and wondered if one OSambo would be enough to change the way things have run around her house. "We would need at least four Sambos to get the laundry folded, make grocery runs, keep Billy occupied and to keep my crack pipe filled. Then things would change around here."
Representatives of the Deep South Cotton Picking Company, traditionally Republican, welcomed the direction that their former Democratic rivals were taking. "All that we ask is that the new government recognizes that the cotton industry has always been composed of hundreds of households per field, so we expect plenty of Obamas to be shipped here in November. We haven't been this excited since the hemp industry was destroyed by baseless legislation."
I made it up and then other things happened