UnNews:Army of Darkness admits subliminal techniques used to recruit children
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Army of Darkness admits subliminal techniques used to recruit children
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Thursday, May 28, 2015, 00:07:UTC)(
17 November 2009
LOS ANGELES, California -- Hells spokesperson and servant of Satan. Magnús Scheving. announced today at a press conference that The Dark Lord has admitted to using mind control in efforts to recruit children to his unholy cause. Using techniques called "subliminal advertising", the Devils minion video engineers created a microsecond clip to brainwash kids, bending their little wills to His nefarious purposes.
Subliminal advertising is a technique used by television and movie producers to insert almost irresistible suggestions into a viewers subconscious. Significant inroads in the field were made in the 1960s, but it was quickly banned in the United States and most of Europe as an unfair marketing practice.
Satans most successful work so far had been a television show called Lazy Town. The series first appeared in the U.S. on Nick Jr. on the Nickelodeon channel in August of 2004, and produced astounding results. Within weeks thousands of children became addicted to "following the rules" and eating "sports candy". In two months, parental and school rules were subsumed in their little minds by an overwhelming loyalty to the Devil.
Former President George W. Bush declared, "these Weapons of Moral Deterioration or WMDs hidden in that TV show Lazy Town should be sought out and destroyed. We need to get a coalition against evil going here."