UnNews:Arizona pundit "round-up"
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|UnNews Audio (file info)|
|Listen to this story!|
Arizona pundit "round-up"
Where man always bites dog
Monday, July 6, 2015, 20:19:UTC)(
1 May 2010
- Another UnNews "round-up"--you should pardon the expression!
PHOENIX, Arizona -- Arizona's controversial immigration law has spilled over onto mass media throughout the United States, which had been preoccupied with trying to determine if the country had a secret, second political party and what its name might be.
Singer Shakira, visiting from Colombia to tell Americans how to run their country, appeared on the Larry King Show on CNN. After the host detailed two new organ transplants, Shakira discussed her vision of a world that rejects travel documents, as completely as U.S. states run by Democrats reject calls for voter identification. In this Utopia, Colombians could freely enter the U.S., stay forever, get free stuff, and screw the place up like they've done back home.
The foreign visitor then announced to the host that she had neither her visa nor any other identification on her. However, she did not light up a cigarette in the studio, because some people get serious about that.
Taking the anti-liberty side was conservative radio talk host Laura Ingraham. "Is she crazy? I have to show my I.D. everywhere--when I board my Lear Jet, before I can rub elbows with Dubya, even to visit a foreign king!" Her guest, columnist Byron York, admitted that he had to flash his driver's license just to buy allergy pills. "You're right, Laura! Two wrongs do make a right!" The two spent the rest of the program praising the "Know Your Customer" requirements in the USA PATRIOT Act, which has for a decade given junk-mailers the tools they need to keep the country safe. The two-person monologue was only interrupted by ads for an on-line identity-protection service.
Shakira went on to audaciously announce that she had also registered in Phoenix and planned to vote to re-elect Barack Obama in 2010--two full years early. Ironically, the President, speaking to reporters on Air Force One, was getting cold feet about "this immigration thing. It may be too early to move this bill." Presumably, this must wait until Democrats get really big majorities in Congress. Mr. Obama recently signed a reauthorization of the PATRIOT Act, which he had campaigned against.
The media hubbub has taken attention away from Arizona's other compelling sideshow: Senator John McAmnesty, fighting for his life to keep his Senate seat, has flipped sides on immigration and is now trying to position himself to the right of challenger J.D. Hayworth. There's no room in that boxcar! McAmnesty, before running against Mr. Obama, was his teacher on hiding stuff in thousand-page "comprehensive reform" bills, as he did with tobacco liability and that annoying free speech during political campaigns.