UnNews:Area gay man has Gay-Area man-sex
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Area gay man has Gay-Area man-sex
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Sunday, July 5, 2015, 09:37:UTC)(
12 November 2010
SAN FRANCISCO, California -- In a move that has set a new precedent for hotness, Area gay man Suhor Uhmp is continually having hot, gay Area Man sex with Area gay man Devon Topperbottom. In fact, there is a good chance that they are doing it right now. Mr. Uhmp, the Area gay man and originator of this idea, had this to say about his accomplishment:
"I dunno. I was just sitting here with my boyfriend Devon, bored as ever, trying to figure out what to do now that this year's Project Runway is over. Shut up Gretchen, OMG by the way. Devon and I both think Mondo should have won. Anyway, we were looking for something to do, when we both got this great idea at the same time."
Mr. Uhmp and Mr. Topperbottom both describe their realization as a major mutual epiphany, perhaps spiritual in nature.
"We both shouted out at the same time, 'I got it! We should have gay sex!' We've been doing it nonstop ever since."
The couple, which is not at all disgusting or over the top and is actually marginally cute, describe their relationship as a lot of give-and-take, which is probably the gayest way for two gay men to describe their gay relationship. Since they began their project, Uhmp and Topperbottom have sexually experimented in over 2000 positions from the Kama Sutra as well as over 125 home-made positions. The couple was forced to resort to hiring an area maid to keep their room clean from all the love stains. Unfortunately, the maid has not helped because she has joined in on the two area gay men in their lewd acts on multiple occasions.
When questioned about how long he intended to keep having sex, Topperbottom responded mid-coitus with,
"I don't know. I suppose until it's not fun anymore, or at least until next year's Project Runway comes back around. "
Area homosexuals all over the city of San Fransisco have taken Uhmp and Topperbottom's example to heart and have decided to have more gay sex, many of which are quitting their jobs just to do it more often.
"We're tired of coming home after a long day's work, only to fall asleep like some hetero couple," said area homosexual Trevor Wannadickie. "Instead, we're going to strive for a more Bohemian lifestyle. One that involves much less working and much more gay sex. Sure, money will be tight, but I can tell you one thing that won't be."
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|