UnNews:Apple purchases exclusive rights to lowercase "I"

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search
Apple purchases exclusive rights to lowercase "I"

Democracy Dies with Dignity

UnNews Logo Potato
Tuesday, March 20, 2018, 18:00:59 (UTC)

F iconNewsroomAudio (staff)Foolitzer Prize

Feed-iconIndexesRandom story

30 July 2008

1006 image

Apple's new Intellectual property lawyer.

CUPERTINO, CalIfornIa — Apple, Inc. has announced that they wIll be purchasIng exclusIve rIghts to the lowercase "I." Any vIolatIon of trademark laws wIll result In aggressIve legal actIon. Says Apple CEO Steve Jobs, "It's all a part of our long-term world domInatIon marketIng strategy. If people want to use the lowercase I, all they would have to do Is buy an Apple computer, then download the latest versIon of iTunesTM and use It to purchase the letter, whIch can only be downloaded onto an Apple iPencIlTM for unlImIted use, provIded they do not share It wIth more than one other pencIl."

MIcrosoft CEO BIll Gates responded by statIng that MIcrosoft would be releasIng an alternatIve to the lowercase I, the lowercase j wIth the taIl cut off. Gates, however, refused to comment on a release date, sImply sayIng that the lowercase j wIth the taIl cut off would be released "soon."

UnNews Logo Potato
This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.
Personal tools