UnNews:Anthony not guilty, protesters disagree
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Anthony not guilty, protesters disagree
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Sunday, May 1, 2016, 19:27:UTC)(
8 July 2011
ORLANDO, Florida -- Despite the "not guilty" verdict handed down by the court on Casey Anthony, many of the people that have been following the case on TV aren't convinced that she isn't a murderer, some of them even flooding outside of the courthouse in protest of the jury's decision.
"We're here to express our outrage in the ruling," one women explained as countless others in the predominantly female crowd screamed, "We know that Casey Anthony murdered her daughter Caylee. There is no doubt in any of our minds that she's guilty. But now Caylee won't get the justice that she deserves, and that angers us."
The protesters' indignation was supported by an alternate jury set up by the Television Trial Jury (TTJ), an organization of citizens who monitor court cases publicized on television and come up with their own, independent, verdict. After scrutinizing the televised news concerning the Casey Anthony Trial, the whole of the TTJ submitted their verdict on their website a mere 3 hours before the real jury placed theirs and convicted Mrs. Anthony of murder by a vote of 4,862 - 103.
"The TTJ convicted her," Amber Borysewicz, one of the more vocal of the protesters, pointed out adamantly, "Even if it wasn't by such a huge margin, that should prove that the jury in this case was wrong."The 12 members of the jury in question are now being slandered across the nation for not being able to convict Anthony of the crimes the rest of the populace is convinced she committed. One of the jurors claims that a gas station refused to give her the 5 cents off per gallon she was entitled to after she used cash instead of a credit card. She said that she was in the middle of the transaction when it came out that she was a juror in the trial, and that the attendant changed the price of her purchase, adding $1.62 to the total. A restaurant in Clearwater, Florida, has even posted a handwritten sign on its door saying "Pinellas County: Jurors NOT Welcome," which was a huge blow to 3 of them, who'd driven 2 hours specifically to get some chili there, but ended up being turned away. "Fuck you," multiple people said simultaneously as the jurors returned to their car, completely with accompanying hand gestures. "Listen to the TTJ," someone shouted.
"It really is a shame," Bob Melkins, head of the TTJ, told us, "Clearly, the jury in the Anthony case just missed on this one. It was like they were watching a different trial than we were. I mean, I'm sure they didn't get to see as much of the really cool things that happened out of the courtroom that we got to see on camera, like the stampede for seats in the beginning. And I'm sure that we didn't get to see all of that boring testimony that they had to sit through during the trial - there were how many witnesses? 58 or something? And we only got to hear snippets from like 4 of them. But aside from that, we were watching the same thing. I don't know how they could have gotten things so wrong."
"We think there should be a retrial. She's guilty - she was partying right after her daughter died. Everyone knows it, and she should pay," Mrs. Borysewicz said, to the cheers of the rest of the crowd, before being drowned out by chants of "FRY HER! FRY HER! FRY HER!"