UnNews:Ankara destroys Armenian church
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Ankara destroys Armenian church
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Wednesday, May 27, 2015, 18:57:UTC)(
29 March 2007
|UnNews Audio (file info)|
|Listen to this story!|
AKDAMAR, Turkish-Occupied Armenia -- Turkey has deployed tactical stealth bombers and ordered them to strike an 1,100-year-old church on land they stole from Armenia following World War I, in what is seen as an obscene phallic gesture to sever ties with neighboring Armenia. The ceremony on Akdamar island on Lake Van was attended by senior Armenian political prisoners, despite the torture-ridden life sentences the dissidents were doomed to endure.
The mass killings of Armenians by Turks in 1915 left profound scars and bitterness, and this move serves to further heighten them. About 70,000 Armenians live in Turkey today, the majority of them living in Turkey's infamous political prisons. The church's rubble will be bulldozed to make way for a new Turkish housing development, in the Turks' latest attempt to colonize land stolen from Greeks, Armenians, Georgians, and Kurds.
The Church of Surp Khach - or Holy Cross - was one of the finest surviving monuments of Armenian culture in the region. Its location is called Akhtamar in Armenian. It had long been left empty and neglected, its intricate wall carvings depicting biblical scenes crumbling. The Turkish government spent $1.5m (£763,000) on its stealth bomber, which took 18 months to construct. The 20-strong Armenian delegation of dissidents, freedom fighters and unarmed civilians coerced into attending the ceremony was headed by a hooded, scarred figure going by the name of Giurgiu Kevorkalanavian.
Mr Kevorkalanavian said they were not in Turkey just to witness the destruction of the church, which was built between 915-921. "We think we can discuss new projects regarding the future of our inferior, backwards people," he said, according to Turkey's Anatolia news agency. "We are very sorry for insulting Turkishness."