UnNews:Analysis of US defense spending levels indicates that the US is preparing for war with space aliens
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Analysis of US defense spending levels indicates that the US is preparing for war with space aliens
The one that Univisión did not buy out
Saturday, May 28, 2016, 02:11:UTC)(
21 October 2011
Accountant Jim Richards has a shocking revelation for anyone willing to listen to his crazed theories. Jim works for the accounting giant Ernest and Young, but in his spare time likes crunching numbers to glean information about stuff that could help him in the future. A few of his past exploits include predicting the collapse of the economy in 2008 (but not telling anybody and making $200,000 by shorting Bank Of America), shorting American Airlines and United Stock on September 5-10 2001, and lastly predicting the student loan bubble (Yet to occur).
Even though he always does these things for his own benefit he has decided to come out and tell all. According to Jim, no one is going to be able to utilize the bubble in student loans and profit on others misery because - believe it or not - according to his analyses of the United States of Americas defense budget, his only possible conclusion is that the world superpower is preparing for war with space aliens.
Put simply, why would the United States keep spending at record levels even though it is in danger of passing to an unsustainable load in about seven years if continued at the current rate. The answer is a simple anwser: Greys from Zeta Reticuli are arriving in about six years.
Of course any learned online citizen of the Internet would have heard of these sinister beings. Many of us probably dismissed them as ravings of lunatics and crazies who are seeking attention. But the reality is quite different: Greys actually do exist, and their spaceships are heading towards us through the vast empty thing us humans call space.
Jim just wanted to tell you this incase you cared. He knows not many will heed his warnings - in fact, the military has discredited alien researchers so bad he knows he will look like a nutcase when this article is published. He's not worried though - when I asked him what his plans were, he replied with a twinkle in his eye: "I'll be at my newly purchased home in Dulce, New Mexico".