UnNews:Americans not fooled by Michael Moore's socialist propaganda
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-microsecond misinformation.
13 July 2007
Anytown, US of A: Despite the best efforts of anti-American socialist Marxist Communist Satanist Leftist and Generally Evil (in a political sense) film maker Michael Moore, Americans, with the exception of the media, have not been fooled into believing the deceitful lies presented in his latest film, SiCKO. Yes, indeed, America remains the lone bastion of the enlightened, capitalistic, profit-oriented health care system that the rest of the so-called "developed world" (which for some weird reason includes Canada and France) refuses to accept.
Moore's movie criticizes the American health care system by telling stories of Americans who say they were denied life-saving treatment because their life insurance contracts did not cover their illnesses, although treatment was available if they could pay. All of the subjects in Moore's film were given life saving treatment in communist Cuba, but were later shot as "spys" or for demanding medications that are too expensive, such as asperin. Moore did not compare treatment supplied in Canada where, for example, women wait several months to have a breast biopsy after discovering a lump, or in the British Isles where terminal patients are routinely denied expensive life-prolonging treatment due to the near collapse of the health care system. "Hell, people should lead a healthful life and they wouldn't need so much medical care," said British Health Minister Sir "Two Ton Tony" Smyth. "Or they can be 'more like Moore,' and be morbidly obese. After all, the more people who die early relieves stress on the Health system. That's why we encourage taking drugs and excessive alcohol consumption," Smyth added.
"It's totally obvious that everything in the movie is baloney. I firmly believe that health insurance companies have only the best intentions; Michael Moore is obviously just bad-mouthing honest businessmen" said generic Midwestern American Citizen Ralph Schmoe. Schmoe won a free brain transplant raffle last month from the DNC, but has yet to use it.
Polls (not Polish people, but opinion polls) say that 154% of all Americans have "heard things" from Canadians about the terrible health care system in Canada, testifying to Americans' ability to discern truthful information and therefore their superior mental health. Since Canada's national health care system is the easiest for Americans to compare, it follows that everyone in America would get cancer, AIDS, Rabies, Nymphomania, and Male Pattern Baldness all at the same time if Congress ever decided to pass a national health care system. At the very least, Americans' health care would decline to a level of 1800's Saudi Arabia, and the hospital food would taste even worse than in the U.S..
Even supporters of Michael Moore find themselves unable to sway American opinion. "I give up. Screw you all, I'm moving to Canada" said each and every one of all the liberally-minded people in America. However, they all came back when they needed medical care, or police protection. Ironically, Canada refused Moore entry because "he couldn't fit."
When asked about her opinion on national health care, generic American woman Gillian Gnewwit said: "National health care? Isn't that what Hillary Clinton fouled up? Fuck that shit."
- "Americans prefer conceit, hearsay to improved quality of life" July 13, 2007