UnNews:America resigns as worlds superpower
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America resigns as worlds superpower
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Friday, June 23, 2017, 07:07:UTC)(
5 October 2008
Washington, USA - In a statement released today by Whitehouse Press Secretary Jackson, The United States has informed the rest of the world that it will be handing in its resignation as the world superpower.
Jackson stated that the authorities realized that all of a sudden things "got really ugly" and they may have bit off a bit more than they can chew. When asked for comment Condoleezza Rice stated that, "Really it was just a matter of time, as much as we'd all like to go reeking havoc all over the world for an eternity everyone grows old, America does too."
This resignation has implications that will be felt throughout the world. All of a sudden countries are straightening their ties and polishing their shoes hoping that they will become the next world superpower. Favourites heading in are China and the longstanding rival to the Americans Russia, but many are saying, "Are we really ready for the commies?"
In light of such varying opinions there may be room for a sleeper country like Austria or Denmark to sneak in. Citizens in Denmark have been spotted doing extra cleaning in their houses and the Austrian ski teams have been training through the night in the hopes that their efforts wont go unnoticed.
George Bush was asked for comment on the issue but he declined the offer stating, "I'll deal with all of this after I watch the redsox game tonight. I love that big papi!"