UnNews:America accuses Iran of stealing cookies from the cookie jar
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America accuses Iran of stealing cookies from the cookie jar
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Thursday, March 23, 2017, 02:24:UTC)(
11 February 2007
|America accuses Iran of stealing cookies from the cookie jar (file info)|
As chaos broke out, monks were seen fleeing the Temple of the Holy Jar during which Iranians threatened to destroy the cookie with the mythical milk-gun. Senior defense officials told reporters in Baghdad that the cookies were sacred and were to be eaten after dinner.
We were told that the cookies were chocolate chip and given to the monks by the His Holiness, Chip the Wolf. It is feared by locals that the Iraqi extremists will destroy the cookie while trying to figure out it's secret formula. If the formula is figured out, there is an increased threat of the dreaded Cookie-Bomb strike. Rumor has it that whole cities have been smothered in cookie dough during C-Bomb attacks.
US officials are afraid of the Iranians because of a possibility of using the giant irresistible cookie as a bargaining chip. If the cookie is given to a country like Saudi Arabia or the UAE it would be almost impossible for the US to retrive it because all the countries in the middle east despise the US.
The training ground of the terrorists, who were part of Operation CookieMonster, has reportedly been found near the outskirts of Tehran. The now empty site is filled with empty boxes of cookie crisp cereal and broken cookie jars. The items are thought to have been training aids for the terrorist cell before they went for the real thing. Puddles of milk still existed on the ground from where milk-guns were fired at regular cookies. Video of the scene was shown on Iraqi TV as riots broke out in the streets and skirmishes occurred on the Iraq-Iran border.
When later questioned about the international crisis, the Iranian government repeatedly denied any involvement with the robbery, saying they prefer snickerdoodles.