UnNews:America's only gonna get fatter

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5 November 2010

Fat-kids

Kids are being taught now that seeing how many Big Macs you eat is the new American Dream.

FAT CITY, Louisiana -- The United States, after such innovations as McDonald's and Burger King, has only been growing in obesity. A pointless survey the geeks at CNN have done estimates 34% of American adults are obese. However, they left out the 43% severely overweight group, and the important 38% that is morbidly obese. Simple addition shows that 106% of Americans are at least severely overweight. Of course, all of the kids and teenagers are obese because of Nickelodeon, Facebook, Nintendo and all that other crap they waste their lives with. Harvard University also makes the egregious claim that 42% of Americans will be obese by 2050. By using the American obesity rate 1990-2010, this number actually comes out to be 243%.

The conclusion from this study is that America is a land of fast food and fat and nothing Michelle Obama does to promote healthy eating will change this. Ronald McDonald won.

Looking ahead, we can see that, in less than a decade, America will have more morbidly obese people than it has people. We must change the building codes now--including re-fit of existing residences--because almost all of America's doors are all, still, taller than they are wide. This just won't do.

America is doomed and the life expectancy is expected to decrease to 34, due to heart disease, high cholesterol, and bed collapses resulting from extra weight--even if border enforcement remains lax and Mexicans continue to stream in, who tend to be skinny, most of them.

So, we as Americans should give up and accept our fat future.

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