UnNews:Amazon.com Suffers Catastrophic Tube Failure
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Amazon.com Suffers Catastrophic Tube Failure
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Wednesday, August 31, 2016, 16:21:UTC)(
6 June 2008
edit Interview With A Survivor
We later met with Tiki Brown and his brother, Tunga Brown. Tiki witnessed the accident first hand, but speaks no english, so we had his brother Tunga translate.
So, Tiki, will you please give us a brief description of what you saw today?
- Tiki: (Makes clicking sounds and something that sounds like the Jurrasic Park Theme Song)
- Tunga: Tiki say, "We (workers in the facility) were just getting back from our break when all of a sudden we heard a horrible noise.
- Tiki: (Claps hands three times and humms the French National Anthem)
- Tunga: Tiki say, "All of a sudden the alarm went off and everyone was rushing to evacuate."
That sounds horrible, did you acctually see the tubes collapsing?
- Tiki: (Holds up three fingers, makes a facial expression that makes him look somewhat like a monkey, and juggles three peices of wood)
- Tunga: Tiki say, "Yes, just as I was makeing my escape, the number 1 tube fell right behind me! Luckilly I was able to escape by juggling these three peices of wood."
Allright, I see you have obtained somewhat of a nasty gash on your arm there, is that related to the accident?
- Tiki: (Points to the wrekage of the plant behind us, pretends he is driving a car, dances the macarana, and uses a fork and knife to cleanly cut his shirt into ten small peicse and eats them one by one)
- Tunga: Ok, I really have no idea where he is going with this... Something about the New Yorker and tube socks.
Thank you both for your time.