UnNews:Alleged "Iron Man" Attacks Birmingham
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Alleged "Iron Man" Attacks Birmingham
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Monday, January 23, 2017, 02:47:UTC)(
1 December 2006
Birmingham, England (AP) - Has he lost his mind? Can he see or is he blind? Can he walk at all, or if he moves will he fall? These are the questions asked today by Birmingham residents as they fled their homes at the approach of a hideous metallic abomination.
Witnesses describe the monster as having appeared in a flash of light and, with a metallic growl, declared, "I am Iron Man."
Judy Westford, a refugee and mother of four, explained "At first he didn't do anything. We asked, is he alive or dead? Has he thoughts within his head? We though we could have just passed him there. I mean, why should we even care?"
Although details are at still sketchy, sources within the scientific community state that he was turned to steel in "the great magnetic field." This apparently took place earlier this morning when he traveled time for the future of mankind. After returning from his voyage, the Iron Man realized that nobody, in fact, wanted him. He just stared at the world while planning a then-unpredictable vengeance to unfold.
Regardless of what may or may not have happened, it is clear that now the time is here for Iron Man to spread fear. He appears determined to take vengeance from the grave and kill the people he once saved. There appears to be a grim morality tale in fact that nobody wanted him; They just turned their heads. Nobody helped him, and he is, indeed, having his revenge.
The streets of Birmingham are now filled with the sound of heavy boots of lead, and the Iron Man's victims are reportedly full of dread. They are running as fast as they can, and although updates are continuing to come in, at this time it appears that Iron Man lives again.