UnNews:Aliens Abduct President Bush!
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Aliens Abduct President Bush!
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Monday, January 23, 2017, 23:46:UTC)(
16 July 2008
Today, it has been revealed that President Bush has been abducted by aliens !
I'm not referring to those that came from Mexico or some other nation on Earth.
A UFO was spotted flying over President Bush's Crawford Ranch, and when it approached President Bush, his security detail tried to contact the alien ship, warning it away from a restricted area. The aliens reacted by beaming the clothes, weapons, and gear off of the Secret Service agents, some of which were female. The agents then ran off, leaving Bush unguarded. All anyone had seen of these agents were large penises and boobs flopping about as they ran off. Four aliens then beamed down near the President, who asked, "Who and what the hell are you?". The aliens replied that, "We're not demons or any of that sort of thing at all.". Then they took hold of Bush and before he could do anything, he and the aliens were promptly beamed to the ship. Then the aliens stripped George Bush's clothing off of him, led him to a stainless-steel-like table-like platform. One of the aliens then stated to the President, "We're here to determine if the taxpayers (political-speak for slave) are correct about you and your fellow politicians being 'full of shit'." Another alien handed this alien a device that had lights on it. The alien also stated, "We're conducting an anal probe on you as well. It's a sex thing for our species." The alien turned it on, then literally shoved this thing up George Bush's ass. President Bush then cried out that it isn't right. The alien then withdrew the device, now covered in shit, and these aliens then licked it clean. Then the alien stated that, "Those taxpayers are correct. You are full of shit." Bush was then led out of the ship's OR Lab by other aliens. They replaced the President's clothing, only that President Bush now had his shitty underwear on the outside. Then they beamed him back to his ranch.
President Bush later woke up, thinking that he had endured a hellish nightmare. He asked one of his agents about the incident. The agent then told him that, "Mr. President, a UFO had been spotted flying about in this area. We're taking care of the situation." Bush then screamed, "Oh NO! My asshole! I need an adult!"