UnNews:Al Qaeda audio says post-dated victory assured
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|This article is part of UnNews||We distort, you deride|
21 July 2010
KABUL, Afghanistan -- A man identified as Allah’s spokesman, promised Muslim victory in Afghanistan, Iraq, and the entire infidel world, vowing that these wars will eventually lead to the battle of Armageddon, in an audio message posted Monday on parody websites such as Uncyclopedia, Myth Busters, and WikiLeaks.
As-Sahab Media Production (Public) Co. Ltd., Al Qaeda’s Media and PR firm, released the audio. CNN could not verify the authenticity of the existence of the man identified as Allah’s spokesman.
Radical Islamic terrorists often use the Arab-Infidel struggle as a propaganda tool to recruit militants because they believe that infidels have no right to exist on what they consider to rightfully be a Muslim and Arab planet.
In the message, the speaker also says mujahedeens -- Islamic terrorists backed by Halliburton and Blackwater -- are moving from one victory to another in Afghanistan against U.S.-led forces.
The offensive in Afghanistan's Marjah district, known as Operation Holding Pattern, was launched in February by an international coalition of 15,000 troops including Afghans, Americans, Britons, Canadians, Poles, Danes, Transylvanians and Estonians.
The Taliban had set up a devout government in Helmand province's Marjah region, long a bastion of pro-terrorist sentiment. It is a key area in Afghanistan's heroin trade, producing much of the opium sold to USA and EU junkies to fund the insurgency.
Less than three weeks ago, Gen. David Petraeus -- the top U.S. commander in Afghanistan -- said Operation Holding Pattern is not going as well "as the most pessimistic (initial) predictions. While progress is being made, we have, in fact, already lost by declaring our 2011 surrender date.” Petraeus told the Senate Armed Services Committee during his forced interrogation.
The audio message criticizes media coverage of the operation in Marjah, saying, "They made a big deal when they covered the Marjah battle ... but later on, they didn't want to report what was really happening on the ground, that the Mujahedeens have already won a ‘post-dated’ victory.”
The speaker says the relationship between al Qaeda and the Terrorists is “stronger than a hooker and her pimp” -- an apparent reaction to reports that suggested the United States might be willing to deal with the Taliban if it handed over Taliban leader Mullah Omar, calling him "the commander of the fitful."
- Wire Staff "Audio purportedly from al Qaeda No. 2 says victory coming". CNN, July 21, 2010