UnNews:Al Jazeera buy Al Hasboredyu in squillion dollar deal
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|This article is part of UnNews||Straight talk, from straight faces|
3 January 2013
NEW YORK, USA --
Dubai based television station Al Jazeera has bought their way in the USA networks by purchasing the loss making Liberal broadcaster Al Hasboredyu. The station, started by former US Vice President Al Hasbored , first started broadcasting in 2006 as 'Current TV'. The station's mission to warn about global warming and to provide desk space for a succession people willing to go on there to talk for hours and hours about their favourite subjects. So successful was the show that the cable networks declined to carry Al Hasboredyu's programs unless they were labelled 'safe for insomniacs of all political, psychological and religious afflictions'. When Al Hasboredyu declined, the plug was pulled on the grounds of 'low watchage'.
Facing a big financial loss, Hasbored looked to off load his viewer averse television today. Bids were put in by the BBC, the Russian network Putin Today and China's CCTV (Closed China Television). Hasbored was said to be close to working a ballistic missile satellite deal with the more ideologically friendly North Korean station KimsLookingAtThings Entertainment Today show but they were trumped by Al Jazeera. Their offer to Hasbored is said to have reached into the 'squillions' range and was agreed within a minute. Everyone working on Current News would be offered the choice of redundancy, apostasy (converting to Islam) or a suicide vest to undertake a future mission to improve viewing figures.
The news that Al Jazeera had purchased Al Hasboredyu was greeted with delight in the White House. President Barack Obama said he remembered watching the network when he was growing up in Indonesia and said his family had moved from Kenya to receive a clearer signal. He said it was great to have a station featuring Arabic jazz which he believed would offer an alternative to the American people with their patriotic love for Country Music and the NRA.
"I welcome the arrival of Al Jazeera to these shores. Americans need a choice of viewing after a long day. I grew up watching Semtex Street, Jihadi Capers and Where's Wahabi? at my madrassa in Indonesia. Now I am happy my people can watch this in the USA now. Take that in the eye Mr Murdoch."
Al Jazzera hope to start broadcasting in America very soon but are expected to face strong opposition from people who rely on balanced television network news. Respected radio host Rush Limbaugh has urged all his listeners to stay calm and order all the ammunition they can find on-line for the coming war.
"This is it. THIS IS IT. If Obama lets Al Jazeera into ordinary folks home to spew out their vile propaganda, then I say to everyone. Remember 1776 and clean out your muskets."
So far Israel has not made an official statement but it is rumoured they are developing cyber counter terrorism software to target any television network that disrupts the existing USA network landscape.
- Staff "Gore bails out and lets an Arabic tv network buy an American asset". NBC, January 03, 2013