|This article is part of UnNews||We distort, you deride|
12 June 2007
TIRANA, Albania — Whatever happened to the president's watch?
Did it fall off? Did one of his bodyguards remove it? Or did the President of Iran stealthily infiltrate the crowd and steal it?
Albanian media — and international Web sites — are buzzing over a video showing Bush's wrist watch apparently disappearing while he shakes hands with a jostling crowd of people in Fushe Kruje, 15 miles north of Tirana.
Iranian media release a video of President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad claiming responsibility for the caper.
"I just got done watching Ocean's 13 and I thought I might enjoy some light-hearted theft of my own," explained the jovial Ahmadinejad. "I am pretty sure I will get a killing for this thing on eBay."
American military officials are particularly concerned since the President's custom Minnie Mouse wristwatch doubles as the "Big Red Button" for initiating nuclear war.
"We essentially have absolutely no control over our nuclear arsenal right now," admitted Joint Chiefs Chairman Peter Pace.
President Bush was outspoken in his disappointment.
"Dang!" the President exclaimed. "And I just gettin' used to not havin' to carry around that sun dial."
- Anonymous "U.S. Officials Deny Bush Lost Wristwatch in Albania". Associated Press, June 12, 2007