UnNews:Against all odds Conservapedia celebrates its first birthday

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21 November 2007

Andrew Schlafly

The patriarch of Conservapedia

NEWARK, New Jersey (UnNews) -- Despite nearly daily cyber-attacks from liberals, atheists, and homosexuals; Conservapedia has expanded continually for the past 12 months. Today marks the first anniversary of Andrew Schlafly's pet project. The first edits to the infamous conservative wiki were made by Schlafly on November 21st, 2006. Schlafly, tired of the liberal bias he perceived in Uncyclopedia, the mainstream media, and reality, started Conservapedia as a response. Schlafly and his group of indoctrinated homeschooled students wrote most of the original articles. Anticipating liberal trolls and vandals; Schlafly acted quickly to shut out dissent to perserve the integrity of vulnerable articles on Conservapedia such as evolution, homosexuality, and abortion.

Unlike its liberal cousins Wikipedia and Uncyclopedia, Conservapedia is not hampered by liberal bias or political correctness. Conservapedia is not afraid to tell the truth and gives factual and unbiased information about a variety of topics including evolution, homosexuality, abortion, universal healthcare, liberals, atheism, Richard Dawkins and the Iraq War. Conservapedia is also family friendly and does not include any pages about sex such as penis, vagina, or fellatio despite going into graphic detail about the risks of homosexual sex.

During the following year, Conservapedia became more frequently targeted by vandals due to its existence being spread on liberal blogs by atheists and other trolls. These trolls, unhappy with the lies and falsehoods intentionally spread by Conservapedia facts and truth proclaimed by Conservapedia, began to vandalize Conservapedia in a variety of ways. Methods of vandalizing including blanking pages, inserting obsenities into articles, and creating parodies which Conservapedia already is anyways. Another common vandal tactic included inserting actual scientific content into the science articles anti-Creationist bias into Conservapedia.

Vandalism reached record highs from May until July. During this time Conservapedia was assaulted by cyber-terrorists from the site RationalWiki, two separate recurring vandals known as Icewedge and the Halifax Troll, and a spam-bot operated by Steve Carson who was allegedly charged by the FBI for internet crime although we don't know for sure what happened to him because Conservapedia goes through great lengths to cover up any mention of the incident including deleting any talk pages that contain information on the investigation and banning any users who mention it.

On May 15th, the Great Purge occurred and all liberal users were declared "Unpersons" by Comrade Schlafly and were promptly erased from existence. On June 22nd, a troll named Vincent Valentine wrote a parody article on Final Fantasy 7 and when discovered, in typical liberal style, proceeded to vandalize the website under 50 different Final Fantasy themed user accounts. This attack occurred twice that day and each attack lasted for about an hour. Five days later, on June 27th, Conservapedia was mentioned on the infamous liberal news program "The Daily Show" with Jon Stewart. Like the mindless sheep they are, thousands of liberals flocked to Conservapedia resulting an a massive vandal attack.

Several more massive vandal attacks occurred in early July including the insertion of evolutionist propaganda into several articles and the infamous FBI incident. After July 11th, the amount of vandal attacks was greatly reduced likely due to the fact that the vandals began fearing repercussions from the FBI for internet crime or the fact that Andy finally figured out how to use range blocks and has since blocked several million IP addresses from Conservapedia permanently. Even after this peak period of vandal activity though, Conservapedia is usually attacked several times a day from liberals who hate hearing the truth.

Today, Conservapedia is controlled protected by a small group of Sysops handpicked by Andy who patrol all recent edits and remove any material they disagree with offensive material. Because of massive range blocks increased security, vandalism has been reduced from a major threat to a minor nuisance. Now that the liberal trolls have been mostly purged from Conservapedia, Andy believes that his unbiased, factual encyclopedia will one day become more popular and larger than Wikipedia despite the fact that it is only in English and that fewer people are using it every day. With over 18,000 articles, Conservapedia is fast closing in on Uncyclopedia which only has 23,000. Andy believes that this anniversary will be the first of many and that his site will become the most popular site on the entire internet keep dreaming Andy. Andy plans to celebrate by inviting all of his homeschooled class over to his house for a sleepover and warm milk and cookies. The really good kids get to sleep in Andy's bed.

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