UnNews:Afghanistan names Peace Council

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This article is part of UnNews UnNews Logo Potato1 Straight talk, from straight faces

1 October 2010

Al Gore

Some view Al Gore's appointment to the High Peace Council as the next step in a lifelong drive to become President of something.

KABUL, Afghanistan -- Afghanistan has appointed 70 people to a High Peace Council, aiming to lure combatants off the battlefield and toward high peace.

Presidential spokesman Diddy Wah-Diddy said, "We concluded that the more councillors we appointed, the more peace we might have. If we could appoint everyone, there would be no one left to make war, right?"

The Council comprises former Taliban, former Communists, former Jihadists, and former women and ethnic minorities. Members will have to promise that they renounce violence and support the Afghan constitution. Those who do not will have to compete for the remaining seats on the Council.

Asked whether appointing armed enemies to policy-making posts isn't tantamount to surrender, Mr. Wah-Diddy said, "Certainly not. Surrender follows battle, which is messy and violent. This avoids battle."

In fact, former U.S. Vice President Al Gore is on the Council, on the strength of his claim that forty years of inexplicably extreme weather correlates exactly with forty years of Afghan Civil War. He asks, "Can we afford to take the chance that this is not the cause?"

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