UnNews:AMA: Declare campaigning a sport

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10 June 2014

Hillarystache

A Secretary of State playing with disguises might not be a laughing matter at all.

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The American Medical Association has recommended that political campaigning be designated a sport, citing correlations with head injury.

The resolution came at the group's annual meeting in Chicago, moments after it made the same recommendation on cheerleading. If policymakers adopt the recommendation, candidates, just like cheerleaders, will perform wearing helmets and bulky body padding.

Pediatrician Samantha Rosman told AMA delegates before the vote, "We need to stand up for what is right and demand [politicians] get the same protection as their football colleagues."

Head injury to politicians became an issue when Hillary Clinton cited a "bump on the noggin" on the eve of her scheduled testimony to Congress in 2013. She disappeared from view for a month and emerged wearing odd glasses, something Charles Krauthammer recently reminded Americans of, because his party is at war with all wimmen.

But Ms. Clinton continues to show signs of trauma, claiming during the kickoff of a book tour that she struggled up from poverty during the post-White House years (net of speaking fees and book deals). Replying to veteran cheerleader Diane Sawyer, she said, "We had to pay off all our debts, which was, you know, he had to make double the money because of obviously taxes and then pay off debts and get us a house and take care of family members." Asked to address the unanswered Benghazi questions, Ms. Clinton again groped for sentence structure. "Well, that is personal, Diane. I mean, I am not — I’m not equipped to sit and look at blueprints to determine where the blast walls need to be."

Dr. Rosman asks, "If helmets could save just one Clinton's campaign, how can we not do the right thing?"

At the same meeting, the professional group voted that boys and men who want to hang out in a women's toilet ought not have to undergo painful penis removal to achieve a change in their birth certificates. Currently, 45 U.S. states still follow that antiquated standard. Nor should these patients be referred to as "deniers," a medical term best reserved for people who disagree that the planet is dying.

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