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AC/DC tickets sell out across Australia in 7 nanoseconds
Straight talk, from straight faces
Friday, April 29, 2016, 14:26:UTC)(
25 May 2009
Musicians and scientists alike were stunned today when Australian hard rock band AC/DC sold over half a million tickets to their 2010 Australian tour in precisely seven nanoseconds, smashing the previous world record by several minutes. Until now, it was thought to be impossible for a human being to buy a concert ticket in less than one millisecond, never mind the entire population of Australia (with the exception of Pauline Hanson) doing so at the same time. However, Australian experts seem far less impressed by the news.
"Mate, I thought they'd sell out in a few picoseconds, ay?" said Bruce Bruceman, professor of Accadaccistry at the University of Western Australia, on hearing the news. Despite his ridiculously strong accent and his inebriated state, Bruceman was clearly being serious. "They coulda sold out fucken heaps faster if they said they were providin' free beer". The sales method of claiming to offer free beer is popular in Australia, due to the fact that Australians get so pissed at events they don't even realise they are paying for the beer.
When Bruceman was told that 7 nanoseconds was the amount of time it takes for light to travel 2 metres, he replied "Yeah, that's like the length of a few bottles o' ted, ay? But us Aussies can move faster than light when Acca Dacca and beer is involved. Fucken shitloads faster, ay?"
Although all Australians seem to fully understand this phenomenon, American and European scientists have already started researching the unusual behaviour of Australians anticipating live AC/DC and beer. Preliminary reports suggest this behaviour is related to the buttered cat phenomenon.