UnNews:ABC announces "Pushing Daisies" as last-minute Presidential Candidate during debate
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ABC announces "Pushing Daisies" as last-minute Presidential Candidate during debate
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Monday, September 26, 2016, 17:30:UTC)(
19 October 2008
WASHINGTON, DC --- Just when you thought this year's Presidential election couldn't get any weirder, television network ABC announced its poorly-rated series, Pushing Daisies, as a last-minute third-party candidate, in a last-ditch effort to save the forensic fairy tale's sagging ratings. This announcement came just minutes as the final Presidential Debate went live on air on all four major networks Wednesday.
Debate organizers rushed to set up a third podium for two actors who would reporesent the show -- Lee Pace, who plays piemaker Ned, and Chi McBride, who plays private investigator Emerson Cod. The show opened with moderator Bob Schieffer introducing himself and the candidates, then proceeding to ask Pace, "Who the hell are you?" Pace answered Sheiffer with:
|“||Don't you ever watch me on Pushing Daisies, Wednesday nights at 8/7 Central on ABC?||”|
Pace then moved his podium closer to Sheiffer so that viewers would pay more attention to him than to the other candidates. Then he continued plugging the show.
Schieffer told Pace that "The only show I watch on Wednesday nights is the new Knight Rider show that airs --" before network censors cut the feed to prevent Schieffer from plugging the remake of the 1982 David Hasselhoff series, and further diminishing Daisies' ratings.
When asked how he would improve Pushing Daisies in the Nielsen TV ratings, John McCain said:
“I've never even heard of the show. What the hell is it all about anyway?”
Pace gave McCain a long-winded answer to that question:
|“|| Pushing Daisies is a "forensic fairy tale" about a lonely piemaker named Ned (played by me), who has the power to bring people, animals, plants, and any living thing back from the dead with just one touch. But there are two catches: If he touches a second time, the person or thing goes back to being dead... permanently. And if that person or thing stays alive longer than a minute, something else must die in its place.
When a private investigator named Emerson Cod (Chi McBride) unwittingly discovers this, he hires Ned to bring back murder victims long enough for find out who killed them.
This woman who was killed on a cruise ship (Ana Friel) turns out to be Ned's childhood crush from long ago named Charlotte Charles, a.k.a. "Chuck." She joins the investigative team and becomes Ned's live-in girlfriend, albeit without touching each other. So it's a tragic love.
Chuck makes Ned's coworker at the Pie Hole, Olive Snook (the wonderful Kristin Chenoweth), jealous and suspicious. Anyway, just a lot of crazy things are going on. And it's all narrated by Jim Dale.
Obama answered Schieffer's question by saying:
“Although I thought ABC canceled it last season during all the talk of the Writer's Strike, I would love to become engrossed in such an interesting-sounding show. It sounds quite whimsical. I think what ABC should do is advertise the hell out of the show, advertise it twice or even ten times as much as they advertise that new Life on Mars show about that cop who thinks he's in the '70s. That show with Harvey Keitel on it; anybody seen that yet?
Anyway, yeah, ABC should promote Pushing Daisies more. SNL and Mad TV need to do parodies of the show. Weird Al needs to mention this show in one of his songs. They need to ---”
Schieffer then informed Obama that his time was up. Pace's answer to the question was no different from Obama's:
“I agree wholeheartedly with Obama's plan to save the show and boost the ratings. Uncyclopedia needs to write an article about Pushing Daisies, and make it as whimsical as the show itself. Then add it to template:Recent for all the world to see. And if it's good enough, and enough hard work has been put into it, they can VFH and put it on the front page.
The show was the subject of a question (or answer, rather) on Jeopardy! not too long ago, so I hope that helped give us some kind of exposure. Game shows need to be asking more questions related to the show.
We need more Pushing Daisies ads playing in movie theaters. I remember when I could go see a movie and always see an ad for Pushing Daisies. ABC needs to to whatever it can to---”
Schieffer then informed him that his time was up. McCain butted it with:
“Maybe what they can do is move it to a different timeslot. Maybe Fridays at 8 or Fridays at 9, or maybe Thursdays at 8 or 9. Or maybe Sunday. Or hell, let's create an eighth day of the week called Chumday for all the shows that are in danger of cancellation.”
Pace had to leave early to sign an online petition to save Pushing Daisies and to take care of other matters. As the night dragged on, the debate became far more focused on "Joe the Plumber" than Ned the Piemaker. McBride, as he stepped up to the podium, joked, "At least there's more than one black guy standing up here. And from Chicago, no less."
McCain championed a friend of his, whom he referred to as "Joe the Plumber," when discussing his plans for the economy and taxes, and the aformentioned plumber's criticism of Obama's tax plans. ABC ordered Pace to step back up to the podium as the audience was booing every time the name "Joe the Plumber" came up. Pace shouted at the top of his lungs as he again reached the podium:
“Who the hell cares about this Joe the Plumber guy? What about Ned the Piemaker”
Then he reminded everybody when to catch Pushing Daisies. The debate lasted a good hour, but didn't fare well in the ratings. However, Pushing Daisies, which had aired an hour before the debate, gained 740,000 viewers for that night's episode ("Bad Habits"), up 12 percent from the October 8 episode ("Circus, Circus").
ABC has yet to announce a running mate, but the rumors are already flying: with candidates ranging from Ralph Nader to Hillary Clinton, from Rush Limbaugh to Newt Gingrich, and some have hinted at Ross Perot or Bob Dole. Bryan Fuller fans believe the running mate might be another Fuller show, albeight one that was canceled, such as Wonderwalls or Dead Like Me.
ABC did say, however, that the show's VP running mate will be announced during the October 22 episode of Pushing Daisies. As aforementioned, the show airs Wednesday nights at 8/7 Central on ABC.
- Robert Seidman "Wednesday Night: Pushing Daisies up 740,000 Viewers; Debate Viewing Down". TV by the Numbers, October 16, 2008