UnNews:AAA: Animal Alcoholics Anonymous

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search

1 September 2008

AAA: Animal Alcoholics Anonymous

Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?

UnNews Logo Potato
Thursday, March 22, 2018, 16:57:59 (UTC)

F iconNewsroomAudio (staff)Foolitzer Prize

Feed-iconIndexesRandom story

Etoh mouse

Jerry's a new mouse.

Southern California. Call it a sign of the times, now even animals are going through rehab. Stess and homelife are considered factors in the current spike in alcoholic animals, and Alcoholic's Anonymous chapters are popping up across the Southland to address the needs of the fairer species. Counselors are on call 24 hours a day should a pet finally realize that their life is out of contol like a crazy train. Reaching out for help however, does not come easy for some.

"I was a party animal." Says Jerry, 5, a mouse. "I'd go out every night, all night. I hung out with real rats-I even hung out with some real shady cats. That's when I knew I had to do something. So I called 'Triple A'. I've been squeaky clean for three years now. Work the system, work the system." Jerry says.

Horse drinking beer bottle

Clyde when he was a party animal.

Some have had it rougher than others. Take Clyde for example; "I started out as a real workaholic, though I was a team player. I worked in a team pulling a stagecoach around. After work, we'd all go out and have beers. It got so that every night I'd drink a 24 pack, and in my stable. I was withdrawn, I had few friends. Then one day I made an ass out of myself. That did it-I made the call. It took me longer than others, probably because I'm as stubborn as a mule. But I did it."

UnNews Logo Potato
This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.

edit Sources

Personal tools