UnNews:A-bombs dropped on Japan awarded Nobel Peace Prize
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A-bombs dropped on Japan awarded Nobel Peace Prize
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Tuesday, October 13, 2015, 17:39:UTC)(
16 March 2010
WASHINGTON DC -- It has been a long time coming, but Atomic bombs, "Fat Man" and "Little Boy", have finally received a little of the honor due to them as "peacemakers" when they were posthumously awarded the Nobel Peace Prize.
For thousands of years the Japanese were deranged, violent, Samurai hacking lunatics who did nothing but fight, using every possible means - ranging from Ninjutsu to Karate to Kamikaze pilots – and they lopped off the heads and gouged out the eyes of everyone in sight. When there was no one left to kill, and just to satsify their blood lust, they would commit hari kari, an ancient form of ritual suicide! But Fat Man and Little Boy changed all that for good.
Ever since Fat Man and Little Boy paid a visit to Japan in 1945 on a mission of peace, intent on teaching the war-like Japanese how to be pacifists, the entire Japanese Emperordom has completely changed into a land of peacenicks, who don’t even have a military anymore. Now we can't even speak of the nation's traditional and honorable weapon, the sword, because even Swiss Army Knives are illegal in Japan.
So effective and persuasive were these two with their message of non-violence that the Japanese race transformed – overnight – after only one visit apiece from the two great ambassadors. “Never before in recorded history have two American emissaries been so effective in their mission to convince belligerent combatants to become pacifists!” - bragged Rtd. Col. Roger Mason – formally of the Los Alamos Manhattan Project – the group who trained the two peacemakers in the art of peace making.
“If we could have sent these guys to visit Hitler before he invaded Poland, then the entire WWII could have been avoided!” Mason continued. “Hell, these two ambassadors of peace were so convincing that Hitler would have become president of the Mohandas Gandhi Fan Club, rather than killing 30 million people!”
The Award Ceremony was held at the White House where President Obama, on behalf of the World and the Nobel Committee, presented the honors to relatives of the two great pacifists. The President told the World, “The entire human race should be proud of these two great peace negotiators. They not only ended World War II in a flash, but they also martyred themselves in the process. How many people today are prepared to sacrifice their very lives to bring peace to mankind?” Obama asked the press, while pondering if he would do the same if the chance arose.
Family members and descendants of the heroes, such as H-bombs and N-bombs, stood by tearfully during the ceremony. "This is indeed a long overdue honor to the greatest martyrs of all time!" - Obama concluded.
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|