UnNews:655,000 dead Iraqis urge Americans to stay the course
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655,000 dead Iraqis urge Americans to stay the course
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Tuesday, July 7, 2015, 19:53:UTC)(
14 October 2006
TIKRIT, Iraq -- According to a new study, the death toll from the Iraq war has reached 655,000. When reached for comment, almost all of those 655,000 decried the wimpy "cut and run" strategy proposed by American Democrats and most of the rest of the civilized world.
"Americans must stay here as long as it takes to restore order," said Karim Al-Zaidi from the gaping hole where his mouth used to be. "The wife and children I left behind would benefit greatly from the kind of democracy the occupying army will eventually force upon them in a few more years. At least, unless they die too."
Many of the dead praised President Bush's steadfast resolution to stay the course. "When Mr. Bush says that he would not change his policy even if only his wife and his dog supported him, I knew the depth of this man's concern for our welfare," said Mohammed Barzani as his wife screamed in agony over his charred remains.
"Praise Allah for George W. Bush," concurred Mutlak Mahdi's bullet-ridden corpse. "Everything has gotten so much better since he invaded our country, and yet some people want the invasion to end. To them I say: Do not be foreign-policy girly men."
- David Brown "Study Claims Iraq's 'Excess' Death Toll Has Reached 655,000". The Washington Post, October 11, 2006