UnNews:4chan VS Reddit -USA drops out

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12 December 2013

Mideast Syria 660 AP

The current heated battle in 4chan

4chan, some god forsaken place -- The United States, Russia, and Walla Walla Bing Bong have dropped out of the immerse battle between Reddit and 4chan. The United States and Russia had both been bitching at each other for awhile, says Congress, who for the last few days have been busy with important political business. Due to the constant harassment towards president Barack Obama, today he broke like a bitch and told the USA to drop out of the war despite the fact the terrors of lulz are seeping through Reddit's defenses. The excessive ban hammers, flame throwers, and ASCII weapons the country has been giving to the Reddit society were cut off in major fear that the 4chan lulzer's could hijack these weapons and do really really bad shit with them, such as spamming, hacking, and banning high ranking Reddit Governmental officials for no reason than the horrible lulz

In a recent interview with the supreme leader of the United States he told us the reasons for pulling out military aid for the battle despite the needs of the people there. When informed that countless people were being trolled and harassed he replied with this statement:

“Look man, I ain't got a problem with either faction, both are pretty cool. I remember how I used to browse on 4chan all the time, I mean, they a cool place. On the other hand I realize they are really sticking a war hammer up Reddit's ass. Then again Reddit deserves it for copying 4chan. Fuck Reddit. I mean who the hell tries to copy /b/ WITH /b/? That's some goddamn copyright right there. And I demand that Reddit stops it's shit before I do anything further.”
~ Barack Obama on conditions in Reddit

How ever, despite his stern tone of the matter, officials say Obama said that due to the harassment over the matter he has been getting, he doesn't sleep anymore but "just sits in a corner and dies for a few hours." Due to this, he is a bit moody at the moment.

There you have it folks, due to 4chan's capabilities to steal our copy and paste weapons, the United States will no longer supply Reddit with military equipment until such a time where the President feels safe and comfortable breaking his own gun control laws and aiding Reddit once more.

edit Sources

Staff "US suspends aid to Syrian rebels". Fox News, December 12, 2013

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