UnNews:23,000 police officers are actually ice-cream salesmen
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|This article is part of UnNews||A newsstand that's brimming with issues|
30 December 2012
An investigation found that more than 23,000 officers are ice-cream salesmen. The figure has soared by a massive amount of almost 55.4 per cent in a single year.It raises serious questions about whether officers’ ice-cream interests conflict with their police duties.
The PM, David Cameron, has stated his concern on the matter "How are we supposed to feed children the best quality ice-cream if the salesmen are doing their job half-heartedly?!" "It disgusts me to think that these salesmen can sleep contently at night, knowing that being a police officer will mean that they can't deliver the best ice-cream they possibilly can"
Police officers also have things to say about selling ice-cream.Two of the most respected detectives in the force, Phil Cassidy and Victor Vance, have realeased statments "While on a stakeout,I pass the time by selling our ice-cream" said Cassidy''."I sell them to the suspects,to the victims,to everybody"
"I only joined the police to make my dad proud, but my heart and soul belong to selling ice-cream" explained Vance."I remember the first time I had ice-cream. It was a sunny day, in a park with my brother and he brought me strawberry with a flake and ever since, I have always loved ice-cream."
However, the investigation has also reavaled that 12,000 police staff teach pole dancing, 10,000 are pole dancers/whores, 7000 are vicars, 4000 are taxi drivers, 1000 are fighter pilots and 1 is a shopkeeper.
"I was taught pole-dancing by the police commissioner, for the price of my viginity" said pole dancer,Boobie Galore,15. "He told me he used to do it in gay bars for the pleasure"
We could not reach the commissioner for any comments.