This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-microsecond misinformation.
The lineup for the 2005 World Autofellatio Championship is set in stone. The contest's competitors are chosen annually by each nation's leader, and this year is no exception. (But next year will. Each country's competitor will be chosen completely randomly. Maybe it'll be you, so cross your fingers!)
United States President George W. Bush has, for the second consecutive time, selected Michael Moore to represent "The Home of the Free". Said Bush on his choice, "Yeah, he's too fat to fellate himself. We'll probably lose. But I don't care. I'm gonna combine this year's footage with last year's, and make a documentary about him. Let's see how you like it when there's a documentary defaming you!"
Moore, on the other hand, is not deterred. He won 2004's competition easily when it turned out that all the other nations' leaders chose even fatter anti-government filmographers to represent them. The reigning champion claims to be a defender of the United States in his films and books, and has claimed that he shall continue to do so at this year's championship.
Another surprising selection includes Tom Green, who will represent the Canadians this year. Said Canadian Prime Minister Paul Martin, "He looks like he could use a good pole polishing, and this is the only way he's going to get it."
Critics expect that 2005 will have the most interesting World Autofellatio Championship since 1989, when a down-to-the-wire contest ended one second before the second-place entrant would have won. This year has a solid roster, with each entrant a possible winner. If you can't see this year's amazing contest, keep an eye on UnNews, as we will report the event's results as they occur.