UnNews:13 Year Old Noob Commits Suicide, Internet blamed (Again..)
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13 Year Old Noob Commits Suicide, Internet blamed (Again..)
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Wednesday, September 28, 2016, 07:02:UTC)(
12 May 2008
LITTLE ROCK--On Monday a 13 year old girl hung herself in her room, According she was sad and depressed before-so. Her Suicide note is as Followed "i iz teh noobi so i shuld di cuz dat iz wat teh nobbz shuld do cuz we iz teh no good at teh anythin. lol, but no rly i amz gunna kil maslf cuz u dunt mak teh kaft-dnnr anymo >:[ u bishhhh!!!1111010101" The Detective figures that the internet is to blame (some how.)
After a lenghty police investigation it was found that she had a My space account called: Tehcowgirl1000, She had 5 My-Space friends, 3 of Whom never logged on and 1 of whom was just a total Spammer/Rapist, however she avidly engaged in Casual chat with more popular girls like: Fuxonfirstd8 and Foxi999, Her only real friend was: "666kilmehsatn666" There were many arguments and bulliments on the chatroom.
6:00AM: The Girl seen at her computer
8:00AM: The Girl was driven to school,
12:30PM: The Girl did not show up for Math Class, The Gym Teacher was also missing from the class he was going to teach at the same time...
2:00PM: The Girl shows up in class crying, The Gym Teacher however was quite satisfied.
3:23PM: The Girl logs onto her Myspace account.
5:33PM: The Girl's Mother leaves to go to her "Night job"
7:22PM: A Black man wearing a Pink Overcoat and with a Pimp ride asks her about her mother's whereabouts
9:11PM: The Girl logs off of myspace.
11:12PM: The Girl Watches The Exorsist.
12:49AM: The Girl Logs back onto myspace and deletes all friends and takes down page
2:10AM: The Suggested time of the Girl's death.
4:55AM: Mother Returns home from "Work" at her