UnNews:13-year-old wins Writer of the Month, despite rules and common sense
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13-year-old wins Writer of the Month, despite rules and common sense
Straight talk, from straight faces
Friday, May 22, 2015, 10:33 (UTC)
1 December 2006
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UNCYCLOPEDIA, THE INTERNET -- Today, in a move that shocked the industry and the world, a 13 year old won the prestigious Uncyclopedia award, Writer of the Month. His name is §ǚρωξλ£μĦΦφ≈€ƏξßÐÆØΞ, a.k.a. "§quiggle", a.k.a. "Squiggle", a.k.a. "Ghostface Killah", and after his outing by himself as a totally ghey younger teenager, it has sparked much outrage and controversy.
"13 year olds? Squiggle? Winner?", site veteran Rcmurphy was quoted as saying, "Hate that guy. He should have been banned long ago, if not for his name alone."
"What a Senator Dickface," self-described mortal enemy McDestroyertron allegedly said earlier today in the Uncyclopedia IRC, "The window was open for Squigs to stop acting like a dick. And now he wins this award. I swear to fucking Odin, if he doesn't shut up, I'll murder his dog." By a freakish coincidence, Squiggle's dog's name is Sophia. "I don't fucking care, Dickface," MCD wittily responded, "and given the chance, I'd maim your dog."
"THIS IS AN OUTRAGE!", said Squiggle-voter-forer Bradaphraser, "And his dog is a bitch who favors tax cuts for the rich. I demand a recount!"
In an official press release from Encyclopedia Dramatica, hovel of the Damned, it was declared that the average ED visitor was clamoring for §quiggle to join their website. "Lulz!!!!1 A 13 yaer old? he shud be hearz11 isntead of therz! LULZ!"
Here's what others had to say about this travesty: "you bastard. you fucking bastard.", "I don't even want to insult him, because he's too easy of a target", "Mmmm. I like 'em young", "cracker-ass son of a bitch. You minority hating, money grubbing sack of enriched flour", "he makes me glad to be gay", and "I pity him".