UnNews:10th planet larger than Pluto, but smaller than Lassie
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12 April 2006
(Disneyland, CA) A yet-unnamed planet, discovered by Disneyland astronomers last year in the outer solar system, is only slightly larger than Pluto, Mickey Mouse confirmed today. The icy globe, too far away from Earth to be seen with a naked eye or held on a leash, is, however, smaller than Lassie.
Astronomy fans all across the world were hoping for it to be bigger, so that it could officially be classified as a planet. But the International Astronomical Union decreed in a 1995 symposium that any new planets must be "at least the size of Lassie" to be considered anything more than "interplanetary vagrants." The IAU refused to comment on planets relative to the size of Old Yeller.
"Otherwise," Disney astronomer Simba Lion explains, "literally dozens of already known solar system objects would have to be reclassified as planets." He cited the asteroid Chihuahua, just beyond the orbit of Jupiter, as a prime example. If the object does get planetary status though, scientists already have a few names in mind. Simba Lion favors "Bingo," although he commented that his 5 year old son suggested the name "Myanus". "I don't get it," the astronomer added, as reporters at the press conference chuckled.
Regardless of how the new object is classified, it could prove a valuable resource for planet Earth. NASA is using the Hubble Space Telescope, in conjunction with Disney's Alladin Radiotelescope Array, to see if there is any oil on the distant globe. US President Bush is optimistic, declaring that "If the Iraq thing doesn't end up working out, we can always go get oil from Myanus, or Bingo, or whatever you want to call that planet. He he he."
It is still unknown whether the new object has any orbiting satellites. Pluto has only one Moon, Charon, which in turn has three heads. Infrared scans reveal there may be a ring of small rocks, referred to as "dalmatians" in scientific terms, surrounding "Bingo/Myanus." Mickey Mouse estimates there may be "As many as 100 - even 101 of them."