UnNews:'Sexist' offices force men to wear leather thongs to work
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
'Sexist' offices force men to wear leather thongs to work
Straight talk, from straight faces
Friday, December 9, 2016, 00:26:UTC)(
15 August 2008
COMPANIES ACROSS THE UK are operating 'overtly sexist' dress codes that force men staff to wear leather or leapord skin thongs to work, a study found today. The TUC report called on employers to ditch policies that insist that all men perform their duties whilst wearing only a skimpy thong to cover their modesty. In extreme cases male workers are even expected to smear themselves in baby oil, wear a bow tie and do a sexy little dance once or even twice an hour!
As well as being sexist, union chiefs said that the increased use of cheap thongs in the office workplace were "causing severe chaffing and acute fungal infections". It is estimated that related health issues arising from sustained thong wear-age was costing the national economy hundreds of pounds in lost man-hours due to sick leave.
The report 'Sweaty Bollocks At Work' found that a number of big companies insist male staff must wear a leather or animal print thong during working hours. Some firms mentioned do allow dress-down days where men can turn up wearing silk boxer shorts or Calvin Klein briefs. During special days such as Comic Relief other firms insist that men turn up wearing soiled underwear or old Y-fronts, all for charity of course.
The unions called for men to be allowed to wear underwear they felt most suitable and warned that prolonged wearing of thongs could in extreme cases result in the loss of one or more testes. This was highlighted in 2002 when John Fortheringtonsmythson of Blackburn lost both testicles to gangrene after he wore a PVC thong he'd got from a Christmas cracker in 1987 for more than five months straight.
TUC General Secretary Betty Swollocks said: "We were surprised how many times we found employers' dress codes insisted that men turned up for work dressed as a cheap male stripper. Thongs may look glamorous and sexy, holding in a bulging and virile manhood but they don't look so good on an unwashed sweaty and fat middle aged man with a hairy back."
However the report does go on to praise the introduction of female "gold tassled spangly bra" dress codes as "a breath of fresh air."