UnNews:'09 vintage Qatar marijuana shows promise
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
'09 vintage Qatar marijuana shows promise
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Friday, November 27, 2015, 04:47:UTC)(
28 April 2009
QATAR, The Arabian Gulf -- Discerning tokers throughout the world will tell you that, in the last few years, cannabis crops have been lacking a certain je ne sais quoi, writes UnNews marijuana sommelier Oz Quark.
The weather in '08, '07 and '06 have not been conducive to the farming of high THC yields due to lower than average sunlight during late summer as it prevents the crops from producing the abundance of pollen required for a healthy plant. In addition to this heavy rainfall, which tends to wash pollen off the crops and into the soil, has proved detrimental to the formation of healthy buds and has also affected the terroir, creating moister soil than is ideal which can lead to heavy fungal growth on the root systems. Many tasters have gone as far as to claim '08 to have been the worst year ever, and its vintages amongst the lowest quality they have yet sampled.
However, it seems that in the Arabian Gulf '09 is on line to be one of the best ever for marijuana vineyard owners, with early crops suggesting that the year's crops will be some of the finest for at the very least many decades. UnNews Qatar correspondent and ex-patriate Julie Nesmith was fortunate enough to be invited to a tasting event last week, where she was given the opportunity to taste some of the first crops of the year. "Everything about them was good, but one example particularly stood out - Chateau al Kh'Arwal '09 Northern Lights," she reports. "This is a stunningly good toke, and if the good weather holds up we'll be sure to see some exquisite vintages from this grower. The Northern Lights I sampled had it all - rich in both colour and texture with a bold, fruity aroma reminiscent of crushed flowers and woodsmoke which is liberated still further upon the palate where it releases darkly succulent chocolate notes. The aftertaste is mild, but intensely satisfying and smooth. It wouldn't surprise me if Chateau al Kh'Arwal achieved the exclusive 100% mark this year. I scored it a total of 89%, which is remarkable for a first crop and bodes well for late summer's efforts, but I was forced to increase this since it dramatically increased in my estimation shortly after the tasting session was over."
"I was crossing the carpark with several pages of tasting notes when I thought I caught something moving from the corner of my [[eyes|eye]," she continues. "I thought it may have been a cat, but since there are several species of venomous snakes in the area, I looked more carefully and saw that it had taken shelter underneath a car. I moved nearer to take a closer look, and that's when I first noticed its eerie eyes staring right at me - I can honestly say I've never seen anything like it before. It resembled a small human, but was imp-like and definitely didn't appear friendly, so I called to some other tasters who were making their way to their own cars. They came over and were as shocked by the creature as I was. I must admit I was absolutely terrified, its glare was filled with such malevolence. I could hardly hold the camera steady to take a photograph."
Several witnesses, all of whom had attended the tasting event which is claimed by organisers to be the largest and most important of all those held in the Arabic marijuana-producing nations, testified to having see the creature which vanished shortly afterwards.