UnNews:"We've turned into a nation of whiners" complains Graham
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
"We've turned into a nation of whiners" complains Graham
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Thursday, May 26, 2016, 22:25:UTC)(
11 July 2008
WASHINGTON DC UNN - In an interview Wednesday Former Texas Republican Billionaire Senator Phil Graham complained that the "people of the United States have turned into a nation of whiners" when it comes to the sinking American economy.
Graham, whose personal fortunes have risen sharply since becoming a Vice President for Swiss bank UBS, bemoaned the lack of "inginuity" that was once a hallmark of the U.S. economy.
"There is nothing wrong with the economy. This is all mental people: snap out of it!"
Graham's comments were made when he was asked to explain how a middle class American family's net worth in 2008 is lower than it was in 2001 when George W. Bush first took office.
"Why are you asking me, for Jah's sake? During thirteen of the past fifteen years the Democrats were the minority party in this country - its their fault for wasting that time and not supporting Republican policies to increase national wealth by giving tax cuts to the top 2% of the wealthiest Americans."
Senator John McCain, the assumed Republican Presidential nominee, agreed with Graham, who has been promised the job of Chancellor in a new McCain administration.
"Phil is right. Under two years of Democratic majorities in the House and Senate, the American people have become softer than a twenty-year old pillow" McCain said in a speech to the Shore Country Club Republican Club in Plam Beach, Florida on Friday morning.
"The average man and woman in the United States doesn't know the meaning of real pain like I endured while a prisonor of war during Vietnam," said McCain. "You think you know pain? Come over here and let me break your arms and then deny you a medical treatment for them. That's real pain mister - I have felt it, I have endured it and its what makes me the best choice for President in 2008."
Wendy Graham, wife of the former Senator, has also come under scrutiny in past weeks as the architect of the current worldwide gasoline crisis. Under Wendy Graham's watch, the United States changed its policy on energy trading futures, helping speculators drive up the price of crude oil on the futures markets.
"Oh, great, now you're going to blame my wife for the shape the economy? Jeez' guys," complained Graham, "you need to get some tough love, a long look in the mirror and to leave my wife and I alone in the gated community in which we live."