UnNews:"We've got motherfuckin' snakes" says airport official
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"We've got motherfuckin' snakes" says airport official
Straight talk, from straight faces
Monday, May 25, 2015, 23:50 (UTC)
25 May 2007
Cairo, Egypt (UnNews) - Airline employees at Egypt's largest airport came upon a surprising discovery yesterday. An Egyptian man attempted to smuggle over 700 snakes into Saudi Arabia; including 2 anacondas, 3 red-bellies, and his beloved python Monty. Egyptian police contend that the man, 33 year old Abdullah Abdullah of Medina was planning on using the snakes to take control of the plane and fly it into the Sphinx. Abdullah claims that he was merely attempting to transport the snakes back to Saudi Arabia to sell them and that he didn't have a cage to put his pet Monty in.
The snakes were discovered during a routine baggage check. Airport security guard Samuel L. Jackson responded "We've got Motherfuckin' snakes" when he discovered the contents of the bag. The two anacondas were both shot by Jackson and the rest of the snakes have been confiscated by Egyptian authorities. Abdullah is now sitting in an Egyptian prison being gangraped by big hairy men until the government figures out what to do with him. George W. Bush has requested that Abdullah be sent to Guantanamo Bay for interrogation. Human Rights Watch are denouncing Abdullah's treatment in prison as well as his possible shipment to Gitmo. The presidents of both Egypt and the United States have told Human Rights Watch to "mind their own fucking business". If Abdullah is tried in Egypt he will be sentenced to death, if he is sent to Guantanamo Bay, he will be held their indefinitely, tortured, and raped. Samuel L. Jackson said that either way, it is a bad ending for Abdullah. Hopefully, says Jackson, this will teach people not to "bring motherfucking snakes on my motherfucking plane"