UnNews:"We're all foreigners!": Daily Mail in outrage and demands that "we all f**k off to where we belong"
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
"We're all foreigners!": Daily Mail in outrage and demands that "we all f**k off to where we belong"
A newsstand that's brimming with issues
Monday, March 27, 2017, 14:46:UTC)(
18 December 2008
HYSTERICAL RACIST DOOM-MONGING PAPER the Daily Mail this morning was declared clinically insane this morning after it was revealed this morning that everyone in the United Kingdom is descended from illegal immigrants. This, in the eyes of the "all knowing sages" of the Daily Mail, makes the entire 60,000,000 population of the UK a bunch of thieving foreign scum who were either scrounging benefits or in jobs that should rightfully go to indigenous citizens. Even Winston Churchill was found to be half Jamaican and the paper demanded he be posthumously deported!
"We ALL need to stop bleeding this country dry and should be deported," exclaimed the front page of the paper as it emerged that its editor Clarence Fwakuntzelah was descended from the Vikings. He has declared his intentions to build a boat and "f*ck off back to Finland where I belong".
"When will we all stop taking advantage of the tolerant nature of this nation and bleed it dry of everything that is good and decent in this land and just f*ck off back to where we belong!", wrote columnist Peter Hitchens, who found out that he was descended from Polynesian pigmies.
Offices at the fascist British National Party were said to be "in meltdown" at the news. On spokesman, who wishes to remain anonymous, confessed to posting a dog turd through his own letter box after discovering he was descended from the South American Aztecs.
"If I don't f*ck off to where I belong then I'll just have to 'educate' myself. Know what I mean?", he said whilst slashing his own car tires and sending threatening emails to himself.
See also "Unnews Says" in page 338 "Foreign bastardos, the lot of us"!