UnNews:"UnNews:Alex Ferguson explodes after Anfield defeat."
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"UnNews:Alex Ferguson explodes after Anfield defeat."
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Saturday, August 29, 2015, 05:56:UTC)(
Manchester United manager Sir Alex Ferguson has literally exploded with rage after his sides defeat to arch rivals Liverpool at Anfield earlier today. Sir Alex, who has managed the club since 1856, died in the dressing room after the game. The fiery Scot had seen his side take an early lead but United simply fell apart, with Ryan Giggs the main culprit losing his left leg & an eye. According to reports Ferguson,106, was giving Wayne Rooney an earbashing when he suddenly spontaneously combusted.
An emotional Giggs explained "It was a bit Spinal Tap like. One minute the gaffer was yelling at Shrek, I mean Rooney, the next he went up in flames, a bit like our early season form. I only seen it out of the corner of my (good) eye, but it looks like it might have smarted a bit"
Rio Ferdinand claimed "The gaffer was already a bit miffed as his Juicy Fruit had went missing just before kick-off, & to lose to this lot of unemployable Scousers was obviously too much for him to take."
However Liverpool coach Rafa Benitez was unmoved. "It was a great result to be honest, in every way possible" he stated in his trademark broken English. Captain Steven Gerrard offered to speak on Benitez's behalf but was stoppped mid-sentence by the press as he had broken the Scouse to English translator after saying "Ehhhhhhhh."
Rumours still persist that the American owners are preparing the Large Hadron Collider to rebuild Ferguson particle by particle just as soon as his remains are extracted from the handheld Dustbuster used by Merseyside police to clean up the mess.
Uniteds next fixture is a tricky away Champions League match versus FC Wnakstanisi from the Federal Republic of Sentonia. Previous Old Trafford favourite Eric Cantona has been approached with taking over the role on a temporary basis but the Frenchman said today "Seagulls do not fly submarines, fish & chips are sexy & my lightbulbs are flashing." The club are yet to state if this means he will be in the dugout next week.