UnNews:"To the Moon for real this time!", says Obama
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"To the Moon for real this time!", says Obama
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Sunday, August 30, 2015, 06:29:UTC)(
17 May 2012
WASHINGTON, DC --
President Obama told news reporters that he had recently been told by his daughters that certain conspiracy theorists believe that neither the US nor Russia ever made it to the Moon. "So I asked my daughters, how can we fix this?" said the President, "And what do you think they replied? Let's get the Hubble Space Telescope on to it!"
The President asked the Space Telescope Science Institute at the Johns Hopkins University in Baltimore, Maryland, to point the Hubble Telescope to relevant parts of the Sea of Tranquility and other areas of the Moon where Moon landings have purportedly taken place.
"We were expecting to find relics left behind where the Moon landings took place," said Head of Telescopy Lewis J Lee, "You know... like the buggy, the American flag, the odd boot, and miscellaneous Coke cans and empty Doritos bags. But what we found was - nothing... absolutely NOTHING!"
President Obama has opened the books on this debacle by also implicating Russia. "It was never a Space Race", he said, "Just a way to invent polystyrene that justified the incredible cost."
When questioned about why America is now at last going to the Moon, President Obama replied, "Because we can, because we should, because it's there, and because we have a budget for it."
President Putin of Russia could not be reached for comment, but released this press statement:
"The peoples of the Unified States of Russia are pleased that America has finally admitted that its Moon landings were a hoax. We always assumed that they had been filmed in black and white from a disused Hollywood studio. We would like to state that it is Russia who won the Space Race, and we were also so environmentally responsible that we left no traces of any human disruption to the Moon before returning through that radiation belt to our beloved Earth."
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|