UnNews:"Time stopped for a while last week" says Renowned Scientist
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"Time stopped for a while last week" says Renowned Scientist
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Tuesday, May 26, 2015, 06:36 (UTC)
11 May 2006
Last night on my couch -- You might wonder if mankind canstop time. I have witnessed a time of which man has stooped time in mid-cereal bite. I was scared as it happened to me, and it might even happened while you were watching, and listening, to your T.V. Exactly one week and one minute from today (5/11/06), early morning, I was watching the television. Being that all the shows are paid programming or new episodes of 'Everybody Loves Raymond', I decided to watch the musical channels. I didn't look at CMT and BET because it was a gospel thing going on. They are boring like a Staind I was surfing between MTV, MTV2, VH1, and FUSE watching whatever didn't completely blows, which lowered it down to about 10 videos. During one of my little searching between each channel, i noticed something. On MTV, there was a commercial on air, so I changed the channel. The same was on MTV2 (which has NOTHING different from MTV except it doesn't have 'The 30 minute kindergarten music tyme'... Oops, I mean 'TRL', and it has better shows and no 'Real World' knockoffs. Well... I guess that makes it completely different).
Then came VH1. It was on commercial too. I thought to myself, Why isn't there anything on? So I decided to check out FUSE. I quickly changed as the sound of Hawthorne Heights flooded the room, causing my cat to go awall. The fury...the blinding fury...After that I sat down to think. And THEN it hit me! I re-checked the channels to notice an amazing tragedy! EVERY COMMERCIAL WAS THE SAME! Every channel Was that stupid Proactive commercial of Jessica Simpson going, "Nobody's face is perfect, but with Proactive, MY face is perfect!" And I checked the clock on my T.V. to see what time it is (I guess thats what you do when you look at the clock) and i saw that the second hand WASN'T MOVING! I stood up, breathing heavy like I just finished swallowing an Iguana, then the Commercial ended and the second hand began to move. I'm sorry if this article might have frightened you. Please make sure this never happens again.
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