UnNews:"Submit your immortal soul to me by Friday or I'll see you in court", Heather tells Macca

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"Submit your immortal soul to me by Friday or I'll see you in court", Heather tells Macca

Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?

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19 October 2007


Heather, evil demon or assassin robot from the future?

(THE EVIL)HEATHER MILLS HAS finally revealed herself to be an agent of Satan and has given Sir Paul McCartney until today to subit his undying soul to her or risk having himself and his family destroyed in a "hail of fiery brimstone". (The evil) Miss Mills wants her estranged husband to agree to give her his soul by her deadline and has made it clear what will happen if he fails.

It had been hoped that the long and acrimonious divorce between the couple would have been settled. Hopes were raised after it emerged that, in a hearing this week, McCartney had offered to supply Mills with a durable hiking shoe with thermal sock this week. Heather hopped out of the hearing confident that he would acede to her demands that such a shoe come with a lifetime supply of polish and cleaing products.


Eyes that reflect the very fires of hades!

But when Sir Paul's legal team had still not agreed to concede to the additional demands five days later, Miss Mills went on the warpath and demanded ownership of the former Sex Pistols front man's soul,"Heather has demanded that her lawyers contact Paul's legal team to say they require him to sign over his soul by Friday lunchtime," said a highly dubious source this morning. "If they do not come back with McCartney's soul in a box she will give the green light to open up the gates of hell on his scouse ass!"

The source, with absolutely no connection to Miss Mills, added: "Friday is the cutoff. And Paul must remember that if it goes beyond that, then he better hire a f**king good exorcist"

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McCartney offers Heather Mills "a nice shoe"

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