UnNews:"Sex-ed" students bat for teacher
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"Sex-ed" students bat for teacher
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Tuesday, August 22, 2017, 17:05:UTC)(
9 July 2015
MT. OLIVE, New Jersey -- After a New Jersey high school teacher was indicted for having sex with her students, the male pupils have come to her defense, saying her crimes were "victimless" and, if given the opportunity, they would do it again in a heartbeat.
Extremely attractive English teacher Nicole McDonough, 32, of Mt. Olive, could face five years in prison, the mandatory minimum for letting students Mt. Nicole. However, in court, her 18-year-old "class-mates" showed support, saying her conduct was bloody amazing, and the polar opposite of a crime — while older male jurors looked on in envy.
The prosecution could not bring sex charges against the stunning brunette, because all the students were 18 or over. However, McDonough is accused of, at the very least, misconduct as a public official, to-wit: ignoring several offers of a date with the prosecution’s lawyer, the defendant’s lawyer, all 35 male teachers, and at least 60 happily married fathers, all gagging to get a slice of the action.
Judge Christopher Chellhorn said: "There is a strong need to deter this sort of behavior. Beauty is unbearable, it drives us proper men to despair, offering us for a minute the glimpse of an eternity, that we should like to stretch out over the whole of time.
"That eerie sensation when you witness someone truly beautiful: that strange and sad feeling; that doomy vertigo, when you realize some geeky, spotty, idiot gamer-kid is going to get his highest-score tonight; and I’m not referring to Minecraft, although…ahem…you could argue that does come into it." The judge was then seen to pass Ms. McDonough his mobile phone number.
Describing herself on the school's website, McDonough writes; "Although teaching is one of my many passions, I am also a personal trainer, and bi-sexual. My girlfriend is a blonde swimwear model, and we would very much like a threesome with someone who is really good at Command and Conquer."